The Comparison Kid Strikes Again

Is mine better than yours? What am I lacking that everyone else has? “But Mo-om, everyone else is doing it…. Why can’t I?” Hers is better than mine. Their piece is bigger than mine. Why do I always have to do it? What are they doing right that I am doing so wrong? Why does theirs look so much more superior to mine? Does it ever feel like you have to work harder than everyone else for just the basic stuff in life? I’ve been mulling it over for a couple of weeks now.

Facebook contributes to an overwhelming sense of “my life is better than yours” just because no one wants to be a downer. So we push our superiority in life instead of sharing our inner thoughts and struggles. People who stand out against the grain are met with words as antagonist, jerk, emotional, drama queen, etc., because it doesn’t match the status quo of the people around you. Do not make them think or question their beliefs, their habits, and their refuge.  Nothing is greater than the man who is determined to take over the world from behind their computer. 

Being one’s own individual comes with the discomfort of knowing that when compared to other people’s standards, you will always come up lacking. It requires learning to be okay with that and continuing to forge your own path in the face of adversity in spite of the fact that sometimes it feels they are going to swallow you whole.  I get tired of seeing examples of how I should parent, what my success or my social calendar should look like when I enjoy the company of myself or my family over theirs. I am fine with spending most of my time with my family in my home, where I look like supermom. It’s the work that I do behind the scenes that makes me supermom. That is what my children will later pattern their productivity on. They will look back thankful that I was there for those things. I am teaching them the value of a home that isn’t just a house, it's a safe haven that is warm and inviting, a place to shelter that overactive mind in the middle of a social storm. 

When I look into my husbands’ eyes and see how much I love him reflected back, the memories that we both share of our family makes it right. I don't want to give up living in the present with him and our children just so we might be better off in a tomorrow that we don’t know that we have yet. I look at my three beautiful children (who, it seems, came at inconvenient times) and marvel at how fast they’ve grown. I remember the moments that I wished away when they were younger and at least have the comfort of knowing that I was there for it.  I didn’t have to drop all of my kids off at someone else’s house for someone else to raise and celebrate their firsts. And as I see my youngest so eager to get into Kindergarten, it’s  made me realize that I needed to step away from the stuff that I was always so intent on getting done, just so I can snuggle him before he gets too big for it. I hold his hand, see his funny faces and listen to his witty little conversations instead of wondering when I can get back to Facebook, or my novel. I feed him ice cream as a treat in the morning, because it’s our special time together and once he gets into school the years are going to go cascading by. 

I am simply unavailable to most because I refuse to continue to allow other people to determine my worth, my value and my success. I know that underneath that new job, truck, house, etcetera is a bill, a payment, a debt to someone else that have been purchased with working long hours to pay off. I know that other wives have gone back to work so they could accommodate that lifestyle. I know we look broke, our house is small and we may seem simple to you. And frankly, I don’t care. My family is worth it. Our life together is worth it. We may have had some hiccups in our start, but I have seen repeatedly how much we’ve been able to enjoy as a family and it looks like a small sacrifice. 

The comparison game is easy to get sucked into. Just drop the ball, walk away and do what you know in your heart you are supposed to do. It’s so much easier to call the shots when you are standing on the sideline, but not as much when you are in the game. I decided that as long as I was comparing myself to others, there was a strong possibility that I would come up lacking. Instead, I will rejoice in each day, every small victory, big and small. My house is a home, my home reflects my heart and the people who are invited in, recognize it and appreciate it as such. 

(Thank you to Rob Cartwright Photography for the amazing photo!)