Hero or Zero?

This year has brought a lot of changes in our lives. We’ve made some great memories and learned some hard lessons. Before Christmas break,  I received three notifications from the school about my second daughter. Anyone who knows her understands what a free spirit and determined child she is.

Unfortunately, while returning something to another department in the school, she and her cohorts stole candy from a desk. When confronted about it, most of the children fished the candy out from their hiding spot, while mine had already eaten it. All were given a talking to and told they were going to return it and apologize. Being the wise (acre) individual that she is, Tristen told the other kids that she has been in trouble for this before and it’s "just a consequence...you pay the consequence and it goes away." Fabulous. She was sent to the principal’s office for that. Her teacher said what a brilliant child she is, told her that because she’d had consequences for it before she should have been a leader and said no. 

I waited until Daddy came home to talk about it. While we talked, I realized this had to be a GOOD talk. An impressionable one. Consequences aren’t sticking. (This has been an issue at home and she has been receiving consequences for that as well.)  I told Tristen that she had a chance to be a hero or a zero. Heroes have parades thrown in their honor, are guests of honor at parties and are recognized in front of many for their bravery. Zeroes receive consequences and continue to learn the hard way.

Tristen loves attention. She’s a very entertaining individual. When her sister was getting out of hand, Tristen told her that she was being a zero, not a hero! Score! Do we do a jar? A chart? When we did the chore chart for monetary compensation, Tristen told me I could keep my 50 cents and she’d go out and play. Not surprising given her reaction to consequences today.

We sit down and eat dinner as a family, we limit the exposure they have to television and they don’t play video games all the time. It’s kind of embarrassing. It makes me wonder how I am contributing to the world around me. Am I being a hero or a zero? Every time I’ve asked Tristen how her day was, she has said it was great… gave me all of the highlights and never alluded to any of the troubles of the day. I admire her resilience, but also worry about what she is omitting. 

We lead by example. I have had to really evaluate what I am doing, am I being a hero or a zero? I think deep down, we’d all like parades and parties… but as parents, even adults, we seldom get that.  We make hard choices all the time. We love in spite of the response we think we should get, we provide in spite of the waste,  and still perform in spite of the lack of responsibility we see. 

The hardest part of introducing the Zero or Hero concept has been making the kids think before they do… something I have found challenging as an adult. When I developed the reward system for my kids, I made myself sick thinking of all the times I’ve been a zero this year.  I can’t guarantee being a hero to my family and friends, but I will definitely think about it when faced with difficult circumstances. I think this next year; I’ll try to be a hero, too.