Love Happens Now.

In the middle of doing everyday things, sometimes it feels like we're not moving anywhere. We focus on day to day tasks accomplishing minute details that make things function. Sometimes while facing disappointment, we forget to dream or appreciate the moments at hand. When I first started being a stay at home mom, my success was just getting dinner on the table and making the house look like a tornado hadn't hit. It was based on survival. I wanted my husband to be proud to come home to what he provided for. If the house was a wreck, the babies were crying and mom was in a corner huddled and bobbing the head, I didn't have that done.

As things eased up, my attention focused on other areas. He provided, so I wanted to provide something more. I started gardening. On some levels, it was a disaster as I learned. While I learned, I did find some productive things that worked. When we moved the climate changed due to proximity to the mountains. It was disappointing again. I didn’t get the results I wanted. My passion for gardening didn't disappear; I just had to readjust my strategy for it. It's been a long process and I am still learning. As soon as I think I get one thing figured out and feel at the top of my game, there is another thing that reminds me that I am still on the bottom of the totem pole. Does it discount my previous experience? No, but it does remind me of how far I've come and that I still have the advantage of learning more. What matters the most is that I enjoy it.

A year ago, we started one of the most fabulous years we had in our entire lives. It felt like our wildest dreams were coming true. I was so full of thankfulness and joy. I couldn't believe it was happening to us. I remember sitting at concert thinking, “How much better does it get than this? My husband has a steady job supported by one of the foundations of Bend. His talent in sound technology is being used at a local level instead of just a hobby level. We have our own home again. I had one of the best years of gardening ever. We are thriving!” At that moment, I felt like I was on the top of a mountain. I was an eagle flying in the face of a breeze. A month later, he got laid off.

I was so hurt. I was hurt for four months: the four crucial months that are important to families. You don't fire someone in October. Thanksgiving, Christmas, you know “goodwill toward man” and thankfulness is just around the corner! In the middle of that, we had other things we were a part of. How could I keep my head up in the middle of this when we suffered so much shame on the job front? We paraded that success as a testimony, even.

Even though things collapsed, we still said that there was a plan. There was a purpose and maybe this was a great chance for Wayne to move into something else. He's always expressed the desire to move from landscaping to computers. How much of it is our idealism? How much of it is our own desire to be recognized? With the incredible start to our year, if we didn't continue to make the effort in the hard times all of the promotion and recognition was in vain. It's easy to be happy when things are good. Can you continue to be happy when things are bad?

Thanksgiving and Christmas time are a bad time to start that lesson, especially with a family. I had another friend who also faced it a couple weeks after we did. Together we went through it encouraging each other. When? When is it going to get better? How long can we last? Is it ever going to get better? We asked that through November, December and when the New Year hit, it was hard to approach it with any joy or effort. On top of all of that, we spent two months battling illnesses and going through birthdays and family events.

It would have been easy to promise my kids a better holiday and birthday season, but the most important part was being there. It was enjoying it. The last time my we went through unemployment we didn’t enjoy it as much as we did this time. We all made it through those months and the things to do are still stacking up. Wayne DID get that new start with a job in computers. I’ve made promises to be a better friend, a better mother, a better person as soon as I get through these next couple of weeks. I am really glad that my husband is employed again, but I realized how much I enjoyed having his company and miss it now.


While going through the tidal wave of changes, I realized that love happens NOW. It’s not a rain check, it’s not a when things get better. It’s going through things with each other and supporting each other that make the experience worthwhile. If we wait until things get better to love, then we haven’t learned what we were supposed to. It’s easy to love during the successful times and the highs of life. It takes effort to reach out and love during the harder times. Everyone has their own monotony. We get used to what it takes to survive the days and do what it takes. But how many people survive on promises? What do we get to live for today?