Waiting: Another One from the Archive

I have been reflecting on the stages of being a stay at home mom as my dear friend described her crazy start to the week. I love that some of my writing began while the kids were still three under three. Looking at the chaos that used to make up the day makes some of the four o'clock crazies we've had this week sane.

I call the 4:00-6:00 pm hours The Witching Hour. For some reason, the kids hit their peak at that time. I remember keeping one eye on the kids and one eye on the clock, waiting for their dad to come home and spell me. Sometimes, before her knight shining armor arrived, Mommy had to take time out, although that can be a risky endeavor depending on the day.

On one such day, I wrote this poem. I remember it soooo clearly. It's hard to believe how much has changed, how much is better, how the battles are different, and how much is most definitely easier! I think that's one of the best things about life: most of it, is only a season!

Waiting

I wake every morning to your alarm going off

Your son starts to cry just like a clock.

I wait for the warning you are about to leave for the day.

I wait for your kiss, “I love you” you say.

I wait for a moment to drink some coffee;

While pouring milk, cereal and change the movie.

I wait for naptime, so I can start the laundry,

clean the floors and begin dinner because I know you’ll be hungry.

I wait for you to bring stuff home,

To maintain the yard, build little things.

I wait for you, to come rescue me

From the cleaning, the crying, the same old scene.

You arrive home late, and immediately start something new,

On the computer, because your business is YOU.

You come home just to be gone in your head

While talking about my lonely day,

you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.

You ask, please won’t you wait?

You don’t understand that’s all I have done all day. 

I wait for your promises to get done,

I wait for the bills to be paid and money for fun

I wait on the kids, I wait on you

I wait on the animals, on the yard,

on things you say you’ll build or do.

I wait for you to stop snoring so I can sleep.

I wait for the weekend, to have a chance

to spend some time with you after your hectic week.

All I do is wait, all day long, all week long, just to start it all over again.

Seasons change, kids grow, Mom grows and guess what? We all survive! That snow that we are seeing in April will disappear. When the weather finally gets warm and beautiful, the four o'clock Crazies will be running it off at the park. And in the balmy warmth of the evening, Mom will be taking her break in the garden, I'm sure! My, how we all have grown!

Love Happens Now.

In the middle of doing everyday things, sometimes it feels like we're not moving anywhere. We focus on day to day tasks accomplishing minute details that make things function. Sometimes while facing disappointment, we forget to dream or appreciate the moments at hand. When I first started being a stay at home mom, my success was just getting dinner on the table and making the house look like a tornado hadn't hit. It was based on survival. I wanted my husband to be proud to come home to what he provided for. If the house was a wreck, the babies were crying and mom was in a corner huddled and bobbing the head, I didn't have that done.

As things eased up, my attention focused on other areas. He provided, so I wanted to provide something more. I started gardening. On some levels, it was a disaster as I learned. While I learned, I did find some productive things that worked. When we moved the climate changed due to proximity to the mountains. It was disappointing again. I didn’t get the results I wanted. My passion for gardening didn't disappear; I just had to readjust my strategy for it. It's been a long process and I am still learning. As soon as I think I get one thing figured out and feel at the top of my game, there is another thing that reminds me that I am still on the bottom of the totem pole. Does it discount my previous experience? No, but it does remind me of how far I've come and that I still have the advantage of learning more. What matters the most is that I enjoy it.

A year ago, we started one of the most fabulous years we had in our entire lives. It felt like our wildest dreams were coming true. I was so full of thankfulness and joy. I couldn't believe it was happening to us. I remember sitting at concert thinking, “How much better does it get than this? My husband has a steady job supported by one of the foundations of Bend. His talent in sound technology is being used at a local level instead of just a hobby level. We have our own home again. I had one of the best years of gardening ever. We are thriving!” At that moment, I felt like I was on the top of a mountain. I was an eagle flying in the face of a breeze. A month later, he got laid off.

I was so hurt. I was hurt for four months: the four crucial months that are important to families. You don't fire someone in October. Thanksgiving, Christmas, you know “goodwill toward man” and thankfulness is just around the corner! In the middle of that, we had other things we were a part of. How could I keep my head up in the middle of this when we suffered so much shame on the job front? We paraded that success as a testimony, even.

Even though things collapsed, we still said that there was a plan. There was a purpose and maybe this was a great chance for Wayne to move into something else. He's always expressed the desire to move from landscaping to computers. How much of it is our idealism? How much of it is our own desire to be recognized? With the incredible start to our year, if we didn't continue to make the effort in the hard times all of the promotion and recognition was in vain. It's easy to be happy when things are good. Can you continue to be happy when things are bad?

Thanksgiving and Christmas time are a bad time to start that lesson, especially with a family. I had another friend who also faced it a couple weeks after we did. Together we went through it encouraging each other. When? When is it going to get better? How long can we last? Is it ever going to get better? We asked that through November, December and when the New Year hit, it was hard to approach it with any joy or effort. On top of all of that, we spent two months battling illnesses and going through birthdays and family events.

It would have been easy to promise my kids a better holiday and birthday season, but the most important part was being there. It was enjoying it. The last time my we went through unemployment we didn’t enjoy it as much as we did this time. We all made it through those months and the things to do are still stacking up. Wayne DID get that new start with a job in computers. I’ve made promises to be a better friend, a better mother, a better person as soon as I get through these next couple of weeks. I am really glad that my husband is employed again, but I realized how much I enjoyed having his company and miss it now.


While going through the tidal wave of changes, I realized that love happens NOW. It’s not a rain check, it’s not a when things get better. It’s going through things with each other and supporting each other that make the experience worthwhile. If we wait until things get better to love, then we haven’t learned what we were supposed to. It’s easy to love during the successful times and the highs of life. It takes effort to reach out and love during the harder times. Everyone has their own monotony. We get used to what it takes to survive the days and do what it takes. But how many people survive on promises? What do we get to live for today?