Hero or Zero?

This year has brought a lot of changes in our lives. We’ve made some great memories and learned some hard lessons. Before Christmas break,  I received three notifications from the school about my second daughter. Anyone who knows her understands what a free spirit and determined child she is.

Unfortunately, while returning something to another department in the school, she and her cohorts stole candy from a desk. When confronted about it, most of the children fished the candy out from their hiding spot, while mine had already eaten it. All were given a talking to and told they were going to return it and apologize. Being the wise (acre) individual that she is, Tristen told the other kids that she has been in trouble for this before and it’s "just a consequence...you pay the consequence and it goes away." Fabulous. She was sent to the principal’s office for that. Her teacher said what a brilliant child she is, told her that because she’d had consequences for it before she should have been a leader and said no. 

I waited until Daddy came home to talk about it. While we talked, I realized this had to be a GOOD talk. An impressionable one. Consequences aren’t sticking. (This has been an issue at home and she has been receiving consequences for that as well.)  I told Tristen that she had a chance to be a hero or a zero. Heroes have parades thrown in their honor, are guests of honor at parties and are recognized in front of many for their bravery. Zeroes receive consequences and continue to learn the hard way.

Tristen loves attention. She’s a very entertaining individual. When her sister was getting out of hand, Tristen told her that she was being a zero, not a hero! Score! Do we do a jar? A chart? When we did the chore chart for monetary compensation, Tristen told me I could keep my 50 cents and she’d go out and play. Not surprising given her reaction to consequences today.

We sit down and eat dinner as a family, we limit the exposure they have to television and they don’t play video games all the time. It’s kind of embarrassing. It makes me wonder how I am contributing to the world around me. Am I being a hero or a zero? Every time I’ve asked Tristen how her day was, she has said it was great… gave me all of the highlights and never alluded to any of the troubles of the day. I admire her resilience, but also worry about what she is omitting. 

We lead by example. I have had to really evaluate what I am doing, am I being a hero or a zero? I think deep down, we’d all like parades and parties… but as parents, even adults, we seldom get that.  We make hard choices all the time. We love in spite of the response we think we should get, we provide in spite of the waste,  and still perform in spite of the lack of responsibility we see. 

The hardest part of introducing the Zero or Hero concept has been making the kids think before they do… something I have found challenging as an adult. When I developed the reward system for my kids, I made myself sick thinking of all the times I’ve been a zero this year.  I can’t guarantee being a hero to my family and friends, but I will definitely think about it when faced with difficult circumstances. I think this next year; I’ll try to be a hero, too.

We love Jesus, but We don’t Love Everyone Else

My oldest child came home wanting to attend the Good News Club at school. She was so excited because they shared Jesus.  She wanted to know why we don’t go to church anymore. She misses Sunday school. 

My parents are pastors. We just shut down our church and went to home groups due to lack of attendance and funds. My husband, kids and I tried attending services at another church to “try it out”. Our kids didn’t understand why we didn’t go back. To the church’s credit, they were the only body who when we closed down invited us to attend.  Unfortunately, the people that were in leadership were also people who double crossed my parents as pastors. I don’t want them leading my kids as youth pastors. 

As a church body, we encouraged working together and incorporated many local ministries to make our dreams of being an equipping place a reality. Love God, love people. Find where God is working and meet them there.  There were several bodies that were in the process of closing down and going to home groups, but couldn’t love other bodies of Christ because their doctrine wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t join us while our church was folding. They still paid hundreds of dollars to attend the same conferences or buy books from the same source. We paid the same cost, hosted the people from the ministry and lost several of our great people to them. I still can’t understand it now. Why is a doctrine that one is preaching good enough, but no one can agree and come together? Isn’t the meaning of Amen, “I agree?”

If we all love God and are supposed to love people how come we can’t all come together to make a church that we all want? I was shocked by my own requisites for a church body. I’ve attended many services in different denominations. My parents always taught me to appreciate God where he was at. I thought that God was in each place I went, but it feels so much different when I try to find a place to worship, especially when it comes to what they are teaching my kids. 

When did a concept that no one can touch become such an issue? How did loving God and loving your neighbor start to look like the process that you choose your shoes? Is there something wrong with me that I want something more from my relationship with God, much less something more for my kids who are looking for their relationship with God? My heart hurts when I don’t feel worship like we were raised with. Apparently, God is not the same from one place to another. Otherwise, all of us would wear tennis shoes.

I can go back to my roots, sing hymns and teach my kids that they are sinners, but I hate that. It’s not good enough for me. My mom and dad taught me better. Why does salvation feel like such a complicated process, even for the people who know they are redeemed, have an identity as a child of Christ? 

While evaluating going back to church, I feel like my choice is selfish. Nothing will be good enough. We weren’t good enough to be remembered or invited to other bodies. My parents weren’t invited to minister at other churches. We just settled into the dust with the rest of the bodies who didn’t make it. And that makes the church seem like a selfish endeavor. If we all love God, how did it get so complicated?