Dreams: May Require Some Assembly

Have you ever noticed that some dreams are kind of vague? You see an overall outcome that you would like to achieve, but the journey getting there is oftentimes a bit faded.  It’s not just the sleeping dreams, but the day dreams as well. I like to categorize them: the ones that you can do (have a natural propensity for), the ones that you would have needed to groom for most of your life (a President doesn’t just become president) and the ones that just have no relativity at all except for the movie you watched last night before bed. 

Our house has been incredibly quiet this week because our kids are visiting their grandparents. While enjoying the quiet, I have been reflecting on the time when staying at home with my child(ren) was just a daydream. I remember the rushed mornings, the crying when I dropped Anthem off at daycare, wishing that I wasn’t missing out on her firsts. I remember rushing home after work eager to spend as much time with my husband and kid as I could possibly fit in. Dinners were hastily put together after the general greetings after getting home. It wasn’t until our oldest was two years old and our second child that I was able to stay home.

I was really excited and proud of the fact that we were able to make that happen. What I didn’t realize, were the faded areas of the dream: What makes it work? There are things they don’t tell you about being the stay at home parent. Like how long the hours 6:30 am to 6:30 pm really can be. Or how many times you will clean up one area before your spouse walks in and asks, “What did you do all day?” Or the fact that NO would become the Uh or um in your life: you don’t realize you are saying it so often until you hear yourself on record. When you are being interrupted during your tasks, it’s easy to forget to appreciate the loves and hugs randomly throughout the day. The art of being mom becomes mechanical as you try to make things run smoothly all week long.  I think when we get so involved in the routine we forget the overall outcome we were shooting for: we are living the dream. 

There are so many wonderful things about staying at home. The kids are funny, super funny now. I love being able to prepare a meal that we all get to sit down and enjoy. We have a beautiful yard and garden that shows our love for our home. There is a dramatic difference between surviving, making things work and enjoying living your dream. It can definitely seem overwhelming at times but it is outweighed by the cherished moments we share as a family.  It’s pulling up into the driveway and appreciating the house that with us in it, makes it a home. 

Although we’ve enjoyed our break, the job, the home and the free time we always wish we have more of, appeared more accurately as an empty shell of who we always hoped we would be. At one point, all of this was just a dream as we struggled through our twenties defining ourselves. Now that we are living it, it is easy to get bogged down in the day to day operations and forget the magic that it used to hold. I think every good thing comes from the effort we put into it. Our dreams come with some assembly required.

It’s All Alright

Parenting is full of crazy days, ups, downs and arounds. I was sitting here thinking about all the cool things about the ages my kids are right now. I remember wishing away hours when they were three under three, waiting for them to be more mobile and a bit more self-sufficient so I could begin the time when I got to grow up with them again. While I was having these warm fuzzy thoughts, I realized that my seven year old was throwing a fit and howling in the other room. 

One of the finest moments the other day was explaining to my oldest daughter why her name is Anthem. After a couple of months at the end of school, she came home a bit upset and told dad that kids were calling her the National Anthem. The other night, we listed to the Good Charlotte song that she is named after and had a really awesome discussion about the song. It talks about not being like everyone else and being free to be yourself. Her eyes lit up and it was like seeing my ‘dream’ when I knew that was what I would name her, in real motion. 

It was a rough day in parenting and when we dropped our kids off at my parents to go to listen to a band, I was still mentally kicking myself for it. While doing so, I realized that out of anyone that observes, I am my own toughest critic. I find myself playing and replaying events and criticizing all of my thoughts, motives, intents and actions. I nitpick MYSELF. As we walked into the venue, we ran into some friends. One of which immediately commended me for a strategic consequence given to my son after a series of offenses. Their praise for creative correction made me realize that I was being way too hard on myself. 

As I sat there, I thought about my decision to use different consequences to suit the crime, because traditional consequences didn’t seem to be getting the message across. I was still kind of in a funk when they started singing about love. Love. I love my kids. I love them enough to try harder and to try differently when things aren’t working. I love my kids enough to have consequences now so that later we don’t have to work so hard to re-establish respect that wasn’t taught early. It’s my everyday work that makes them a pleasure at other peoples’ houses or at events when I am so surprised that they behave so well. 

And guess what? They love me too. They were excited to see us when we went to pick them up. My parents were happy to report that they were really good while they were there. When we are embroiled in the circumstances, it’s hard to see the outcome clearly. Tomorrow is another day and I bet that we won’t have half the battle and we will have a better respect for each other as well. And in the end, I think we will all be alright.