Have you ever noticed that some dreams are kind of vague? You see an overall outcome that you would like to achieve, but the journey getting there is oftentimes a bit faded. It’s not just the sleeping dreams, but the day dreams as well. I like to categorize them: the ones that you can do (have a natural propensity for), the ones that you would have needed to groom for most of your life (a President doesn’t just become president) and the ones that just have no relativity at all except for the movie you watched last night before bed.
Our house has been incredibly quiet this week because our kids are visiting their grandparents. While enjoying the quiet, I have been reflecting on the time when staying at home with my child(ren) was just a daydream. I remember the rushed mornings, the crying when I dropped Anthem off at daycare, wishing that I wasn’t missing out on her firsts. I remember rushing home after work eager to spend as much time with my husband and kid as I could possibly fit in. Dinners were hastily put together after the general greetings after getting home. It wasn’t until our oldest was two years old and our second child that I was able to stay home.
I was really excited and proud of the fact that we were able to make that happen. What I didn’t realize, were the faded areas of the dream: What makes it work? There are things they don’t tell you about being the stay at home parent. Like how long the hours 6:30 am to 6:30 pm really can be. Or how many times you will clean up one area before your spouse walks in and asks, “What did you do all day?” Or the fact that NO would become the Uh or um in your life: you don’t realize you are saying it so often until you hear yourself on record. When you are being interrupted during your tasks, it’s easy to forget to appreciate the loves and hugs randomly throughout the day. The art of being mom becomes mechanical as you try to make things run smoothly all week long. I think when we get so involved in the routine we forget the overall outcome we were shooting for: we are living the dream.
There are so many wonderful things about staying at home. The kids are funny, super funny now. I love being able to prepare a meal that we all get to sit down and enjoy. We have a beautiful yard and garden that shows our love for our home. There is a dramatic difference between surviving, making things work and enjoying living your dream. It can definitely seem overwhelming at times but it is outweighed by the cherished moments we share as a family. It’s pulling up into the driveway and appreciating the house that with us in it, makes it a home.
Although we’ve enjoyed our break, the job, the home and the free time we always wish we have more of, appeared more accurately as an empty shell of who we always hoped we would be. At one point, all of this was just a dream as we struggled through our twenties defining ourselves. Now that we are living it, it is easy to get bogged down in the day to day operations and forget the magic that it used to hold. I think every good thing comes from the effort we put into it. Our dreams come with some assembly required.
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