My Very Own Time Machine!

For Mother’s Day, I received my very own time machine! It is sleek, compact, has a touch screen and beautiful curves.  It has the capability to take me from everyday life into a myriad of new places waiting to be explored. The possibilities are endless. As I plugged it in, I giggled with glee and began making plans for all sorts of new adventures. 

I don’t usually make big purchases on my own. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a Pandigital Novel e-reader. My heart raced as I walked through Best Buy to make the transaction. I was reassured that if I didn’t like it, I could bring it back within thirty days. I really thought that it was going to take me places. (Well, honestly, I thought that it was going to save me fuel for the weekly trips to the library, both of which are on opposite ends of town from us.) 

After a couple of weeks of use I really just wanted to throw it at the wall and be done with it. It was one of the hardest devices to figure out. No stranger to new electronics, my husband and I both felt it was difficult to use. Being the indulgent man (okay, maybe observant would be a better word after the many sighs and groans that I emitted while using the reader) that he is, Wayne offered to upgrade it to the Nook Color. 

I had originally wanted the Nook Color, but went with the Pandigital Novel for most of the same features with a lower cost. The Pandigital Novel was most definitely a time machine in itself. I consumed many hours trying to figure out how to use it, download books to it and where everything was. I also spent a lot of time trying to get it to load or reboot, just turning pages. That doesn’t even count the hours that I spent troubleshooting on Google. I was really bummed, because I put a lot of time and thought into this new toy. 

Thankfully, Best Buy was good to their word and exchanging it was quick and efficient. On top of it, they gave me a $25 gift card! Boosted by their goodwill, I went home to plug it in and see what I had been missing. When you have done things the hard way, the easy way is a very obvious transition! It was like going from a gas guzzling here to there car to a luxury ride. 

I was so pleased to spend less time working on loading my expansive reading material and more time actually reading it! It worked! I troubleshooted a few of my questionable files and was able to build an enviable library in one compact little screen. My doubt in my technical skills was immediately eliminated. But the return of my ability to travel from the Paleolithic era, through early American History and into the future was the most valuable.  

As I sit here just about to dive into another session of reading on my Nook, I want to take the time to say: 

Thank you Wayne, for your love, your support and being my partner in crime in this Mom thing! Thank you for the thoughtful addition of a bouquet of flowers, running errands, helping with the household tasks and breakfast. You're the bestest... ;)

Thank you to my three funny, strong, independent kids who keep me on my toes and fill my blog with funny and sometimes satirical experiences of being a Mother. You aren't just work, you are my specialty, in all of your unique ways!

To my mother, my mother in law, my sister, my friends, who are wonderful mothers, to the ones that are mothers in their own way, to all of the women who nurture, provide and protect those who they consider their own: Happy Mother’s Day. May you find the time to travel new paths that sustain you and bring you to the next adventure, through books, through song, through sewing or just being you!

Pinchin’ Pennies, Clutching Plants

Inside this crazy girl is a nurturing gene. If you blink, you might miss it. But if you ever see me pushing a cart full of ugly plants out of Lowe’s you will believe it. It all started out as a game. I’d grab five dollars of change out of the change jar, go to Lowe’s and buy house plants off the clearance rack. Usually they are about a buck a piece. I’ve had some good luck and some bad luck with it. I’m not too bad at recouping. 

Towards the end of the summer season last year, I realized that since I have a grow light in the laundry room, I could do it on an outdoor level. I experimented with a couple of different plants. To my delight, several of them survived and a new level of populating our yard began.  Several of the perennials that I bought last year on their way out, are popping up through the dirt now! 

Today, I went to Lowe’s to get some plants for my planters out front. Looking at the sparse collection, I reminded myself that it IS a tad early in the season. The kids were thrilled to be walking up and down the aisles, adding their opinions on what to buy. At last, we came to the marked down section. It was like Christmas in there! (It always is in May, in Bend.) The cold nights have done their damage to their stock, but not enough that I can’t fix. After grabbing a few of the more healthy looking prospects, I went through their regularly marked selection again. I just couldn’t do it. 

I had talked myself into this big brave “I am going to populate my planters” frame of mind only to give in to the penny pincher in me. Walking slowly back towards the clearance section, I tried to convince myself to grab a few of the other ones to ‘intersperse’ and give in to the instant gratification. But that nagging cheapskate in my head said no. So I grabbed three more containers of ugly plants and clutching them to my chest, went to the checkout. 

I almost heard angels sing as I checked out. I am pretty sure. Because I rescued them and paid attention the miser in me. It may be debatable… but try it… I am pretty sure you might hear them, too. In a couple weeks or so, I may get some more plants to join them, from the non-ugly variety.

Just In Time for Mother’s Day

“Who is this woman and what have you done with my wife?” I see it in his eyes. The house has been in a constant state of disarray, the plants have been turning into a jungle and the bathrooms are dirty. I haven’t done the mid-day dishes and nor have I militantly vacuumed every other day to contain the messes that come with five people and a dog living in a home. 

By now, you would think that all of them would recognize the signs of a mommy strike. It’s a pretty obvious freeze out, especially when you are always being pounced upon to clean up your stuff or it’s going in the trash. It’s that point when we as mothers, look around and realize that everyone else does whatever the heck they want, why shouldn’t we? Fueled by the nonchalant attitude of “What do you need MY help for?”.  I mean, really, they ARE the ones that are making the messes. If I read a book or work on some craft projects, it makes everyone happy, because I bark less: especially on those evenings when Dad is busy elsewhere.

It causes some slight agitation for the routine loving members of the household.  IE: the direct beneficiaries of my hard work that I tend instead of treating myself to the creative side. I heard some mild grumbling about groceries. To which the response was, “You know where the store is as well as I do and there’s still lots of food in there!” I’ve heard the kids complain about having to clean up the living room. Well, truth be told, I am not the one throwing blankets and pillows on the floor and turning the rug askew. It all starts taking on a different perspective when they have to clean it up themselves or when it isn’t magically done when they come home. That question “What did you do all day?” disappears too. 

What have I been doing? I have been doing a plethora of reading. It’s been one of my most favorite sanctuaries. Like nourishment to a brain that has been starved in the daily routine. One day, I busted out paint, cardboard, scissors and made an Ann Wood stampede for my wall. My kitchen island was a mess for three days! I am not sure if it has recovered: I still find splatters of paint or scraps of paper under the barstools. As my brain grows wings, I am devouring Better Homes and Gardens magazines, trying to figure out which room I am going to tackle next.  I am sure something needs to be put in order, rearranged and redecorated.

Half of my garden is thriving indoors, awaiting Spring as eagerly as I am. I have created a notebook to track all of the developments and things I’ve done differently this time.  I have sketches and ideas for outdoors this year and the name of an Edible Landscaping book that I have been pining for.  I mean, really, let’s face it, I go AWOL when the nicer weather hits anyways.

The other all-consuming fire is the workout. It becomes an obsession more and more as the sun shines.  Kids really did a dent on the bikini bod. Even though it is only 30 minutes of circuit training, you don’t think about the time it takes to recover. If you are like me, you die on the living room carpet for at least ten minutes, dislodging your heart out of your throat. As if it’s not bad enough, all I can think about is doing more, because I have to burn this stuff off ASAP.  This means huffing and puffing my way through a brisk walk that I literally have to run out the door yelling at Wayne, “Hold down the fort, I’ll be back in forty five minutes” before he tells me that he has stuff to do for the umpteenth consecutive evening in a row and he’s leaving. 

I spend a lot of time taking care of everyone else. Momma needs a break.  I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded and I’ve cried. Everyone’s ears are broken. I think we all have a bit of Spring fever going on. Sometimes, we just have to take care of ourselves for a bit. And part of that has just been making some time for myself and for the more whimsical side of life. Hang on kiddies… let’s take a walk on the creative side!

Inspire Me.

Write me something that lifts my soul

Something that takes me past this day

Transporting me to something wonderful

Lift my spirits with your kind word

Smile at me and help me believe

Toward something better than what’s on Earth

Take me further than I’ve ever been

Let me fly farther than I’ve given myself

Make it safe to dream again

Deliver me safely to the place in my head

Where I flourish and thrive

That place tucked back privately in my mind’s eye.

Let me see the places that you have carried me

Not allowing me to fall

Gently persuading me to continue on courageously

Guide me carefully through those tight places

Walk beside me,

Through the sea of changing faces

Guard the fire that consumes my heart

Hold tightly to my hand

And give me the valor to start.

Waiting: Another One from the Archive

I have been reflecting on the stages of being a stay at home mom as my dear friend described her crazy start to the week. I love that some of my writing began while the kids were still three under three. Looking at the chaos that used to make up the day makes some of the four o'clock crazies we've had this week sane.

I call the 4:00-6:00 pm hours The Witching Hour. For some reason, the kids hit their peak at that time. I remember keeping one eye on the kids and one eye on the clock, waiting for their dad to come home and spell me. Sometimes, before her knight shining armor arrived, Mommy had to take time out, although that can be a risky endeavor depending on the day.

On one such day, I wrote this poem. I remember it soooo clearly. It's hard to believe how much has changed, how much is better, how the battles are different, and how much is most definitely easier! I think that's one of the best things about life: most of it, is only a season!

Waiting

I wake every morning to your alarm going off

Your son starts to cry just like a clock.

I wait for the warning you are about to leave for the day.

I wait for your kiss, “I love you” you say.

I wait for a moment to drink some coffee;

While pouring milk, cereal and change the movie.

I wait for naptime, so I can start the laundry,

clean the floors and begin dinner because I know you’ll be hungry.

I wait for you to bring stuff home,

To maintain the yard, build little things.

I wait for you, to come rescue me

From the cleaning, the crying, the same old scene.

You arrive home late, and immediately start something new,

On the computer, because your business is YOU.

You come home just to be gone in your head

While talking about my lonely day,

you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.

You ask, please won’t you wait?

You don’t understand that’s all I have done all day. 

I wait for your promises to get done,

I wait for the bills to be paid and money for fun

I wait on the kids, I wait on you

I wait on the animals, on the yard,

on things you say you’ll build or do.

I wait for you to stop snoring so I can sleep.

I wait for the weekend, to have a chance

to spend some time with you after your hectic week.

All I do is wait, all day long, all week long, just to start it all over again.

Seasons change, kids grow, Mom grows and guess what? We all survive! That snow that we are seeing in April will disappear. When the weather finally gets warm and beautiful, the four o'clock Crazies will be running it off at the park. And in the balmy warmth of the evening, Mom will be taking her break in the garden, I'm sure! My, how we all have grown!

Love Happens Now.

In the middle of doing everyday things, sometimes it feels like we're not moving anywhere. We focus on day to day tasks accomplishing minute details that make things function. Sometimes while facing disappointment, we forget to dream or appreciate the moments at hand. When I first started being a stay at home mom, my success was just getting dinner on the table and making the house look like a tornado hadn't hit. It was based on survival. I wanted my husband to be proud to come home to what he provided for. If the house was a wreck, the babies were crying and mom was in a corner huddled and bobbing the head, I didn't have that done.

As things eased up, my attention focused on other areas. He provided, so I wanted to provide something more. I started gardening. On some levels, it was a disaster as I learned. While I learned, I did find some productive things that worked. When we moved the climate changed due to proximity to the mountains. It was disappointing again. I didn’t get the results I wanted. My passion for gardening didn't disappear; I just had to readjust my strategy for it. It's been a long process and I am still learning. As soon as I think I get one thing figured out and feel at the top of my game, there is another thing that reminds me that I am still on the bottom of the totem pole. Does it discount my previous experience? No, but it does remind me of how far I've come and that I still have the advantage of learning more. What matters the most is that I enjoy it.

A year ago, we started one of the most fabulous years we had in our entire lives. It felt like our wildest dreams were coming true. I was so full of thankfulness and joy. I couldn't believe it was happening to us. I remember sitting at concert thinking, “How much better does it get than this? My husband has a steady job supported by one of the foundations of Bend. His talent in sound technology is being used at a local level instead of just a hobby level. We have our own home again. I had one of the best years of gardening ever. We are thriving!” At that moment, I felt like I was on the top of a mountain. I was an eagle flying in the face of a breeze. A month later, he got laid off.

I was so hurt. I was hurt for four months: the four crucial months that are important to families. You don't fire someone in October. Thanksgiving, Christmas, you know “goodwill toward man” and thankfulness is just around the corner! In the middle of that, we had other things we were a part of. How could I keep my head up in the middle of this when we suffered so much shame on the job front? We paraded that success as a testimony, even.

Even though things collapsed, we still said that there was a plan. There was a purpose and maybe this was a great chance for Wayne to move into something else. He's always expressed the desire to move from landscaping to computers. How much of it is our idealism? How much of it is our own desire to be recognized? With the incredible start to our year, if we didn't continue to make the effort in the hard times all of the promotion and recognition was in vain. It's easy to be happy when things are good. Can you continue to be happy when things are bad?

Thanksgiving and Christmas time are a bad time to start that lesson, especially with a family. I had another friend who also faced it a couple weeks after we did. Together we went through it encouraging each other. When? When is it going to get better? How long can we last? Is it ever going to get better? We asked that through November, December and when the New Year hit, it was hard to approach it with any joy or effort. On top of all of that, we spent two months battling illnesses and going through birthdays and family events.

It would have been easy to promise my kids a better holiday and birthday season, but the most important part was being there. It was enjoying it. The last time my we went through unemployment we didn’t enjoy it as much as we did this time. We all made it through those months and the things to do are still stacking up. Wayne DID get that new start with a job in computers. I’ve made promises to be a better friend, a better mother, a better person as soon as I get through these next couple of weeks. I am really glad that my husband is employed again, but I realized how much I enjoyed having his company and miss it now.


While going through the tidal wave of changes, I realized that love happens NOW. It’s not a rain check, it’s not a when things get better. It’s going through things with each other and supporting each other that make the experience worthwhile. If we wait until things get better to love, then we haven’t learned what we were supposed to. It’s easy to love during the successful times and the highs of life. It takes effort to reach out and love during the harder times. Everyone has their own monotony. We get used to what it takes to survive the days and do what it takes. But how many people survive on promises? What do we get to live for today?